Excerpts

From Volume 6: Walking Thunder: Diné Medicine Woman

Walking Thunder

Early Memories of Traditional Medicine

I remember when I was about six, one of my relatives became sick. She talked about going to a trembling hands person. That's my first memory of traditional medicine. We were eating tortillas with melted grease when my family talked about getting her help. I left the house and when I returned later, I saw a medicine man singing over my relative in a ceremony. I came in and he told me not to touch her food. "She's going to be treated as a holy person so please don't ask any questions." But I kept looking at the food. There was a rib as well as peaches and others foods specially made for her. It all looked delicious and I wanted to eat it, but I didn't touch it. They finally told me to stop looking at it.

When I settled down, they did a performance on her. She was sitting up and they painted her body. They took off her blouse but left on her skirt. Then the medicine man smeared stuff on her body. All the while he sang with great intensity. I sat staring at her until they told me to leave. I couldn't see clearly the design they had put on her body. They warned me not to look at it because it would make me blind in the future. That's why I left the ceremony.

Years later, when I was about eight, another ceremony took place. For the performance a small hogan was prepared. My stepfather, who didn't want me to attend, slapped me in the back when I walked into the hogan. He told me that I didn't belong there. I left but immediately crawled back inside and hid behind people who were sitting on the ground. They quietly shuffled their bodies to keep me hidden from my stepfather. As I sat there, I heard people discuss how difficult the situation was and the certain way the patient should stand. Then a medicine man jumped up and declared that they weren't conducting the right ceremony.

Finally they discussed how the sick woman sitting in front of them was no longer in this world. She was very sick and had come to my mom's house for the ceremony because people didn't want any witches to find out what was going on. At the time there was a skinwalker causing a lot of trouble, so ceremonies were hidden for protection. Many medicine men from different areas came for that ceremony. I was curious so I crawled in and listened to their discussions. They talked about how to backfire the situation in order to save the woman. My mother said that the woman's body was choosing to die. She was also concerned about witches and said she didn't want to deal with any witchcraft. It was decided that a particular medicine man would perform a ceremony to help her die. That was when I started to suspect witchcraft was going around. I asked my mom, "Did that medicine man put her away?" Everybody shushed me about it. That's the only time I ever witnessed a performance like that. I kept asking why they put that lady to death and they answered, "She chose it."

I don't know what was in the small pouch they used, but I know they used it to do something to her. I also believe that it was her choice. Her husband didn't want it to happen, but in respect to her intentions, he okayed it. Everybody was respectful of the outcome and the lady went home and died four or five days later.

My very first experience of seeing a skinwalker was when I was ten. I was in the house one evening and heard a door squeak. I figured it must be a cat or dog. I opened the door and saw this huge monster. It scared the hell out of me. It had brown hair and a black face. He also had pouches. This thing almost knocked me out right there. That was my first sight of a skinwalker. After that, I began seeing many of them. There are different kinds of skinwalkers with various shapes and sizes. They can fly, jump, and move fast. Now, I can smell and hear them. I can even feel them. I'm that kind of person. We believe that if you catch a skinwalker and reveal its identity, it will die in three days.

Sticks, Pollen, and Horny Toads

When I was a child, kids my size used to ask me, "Since you're always in the Navajo traditional way, do you think you can do something to help us get over this sickness?" I would say yes and then go break off a stem from one of Mother Earth's plants and start singing. I would sing away and say a prayer, pick up some rocks or another stick and hold them while praying. I would pray in this way for my childhood friends. At the end I would make a big joke about it. I would shout, "Now you're better!" Then I would pull their ears or pull their nose. They'd start laughing. I would say, "If you're laughing, you're going to get well." That was one thing I used to say to the little kids who came to me when they were sick. Or I would just tickle them and say, "You'll be okay." Even then, as a child, I knew that a stick was a root of life. It can come out good or it can come out bad. I remember one dream that I had as a young girl. In the dream I was in a fog picking up sticks. After the dream I started picking up sticks for my childhood ceremonies. The dreams gave me an education. They told me things, made me wonder, and helped me understand.

Once, when I was in boarding school, our dorm attendant asked me, "What are you going to do with all those sticks and rocks?" I replied, "We're going to build something out of them." She said, "You can't build anything with those sticks and rocks." I responded by going to my friends and having them help me make things. Some sticks became an automobile, while others became tools, trees, and houses. So the sticks in my dreams were about educating, helping, and moving others.

Every time I see a stick I think about it. I believe that if you carelessly break a stick, you may be breaking your own dream. That's what I always say. That's why I tell my kids to not break sticks. The stick in my dream was a life-teaching root. The rocks in my dreams were the same. The heart of rock teaching is found in the designs of the rocks. If you look carefully at a rock and focus on it, it may tell you the life story of the world. It is because rocks hold the stories of the world. That's how they hold earth's wisdom.

Growing up, I picked up rocks and sticks, learning from each one. If I ever needed help, I just picked up a rock or a stick and said a prayer. To me they were sacred. Sometimes today, people ask me why I have so many rocks inside my house along the walls. I tell them that rocks are my education. Then they ask me why I have rocks inside my house since there are so many other rocks out in the world. They don't understand. My little girl, Nicole, is the same way. She'll bring rocks home and she'll look at them. However, she doesn't keep them. She puts them back where they were. She treats them like a horny toad. If you pick up a horny toad and play with it, you must put it back where it was found. If you don't put it back, you cut off his trail and you cut off your mind. That's what we say about horny toads.

Pollen As a little girl, my mom taught me the sacred ways of pollen. She'd take off the pollen and put it into a basket. Then we'd cover it with a cloth and say to the sunshine, "This is not yours. This is mine to heal." I was taught that if you didn't say something like that to the sun, it would eat up all your pollen. I tested it and it happened. To this day, I always say, "This is mine, this is going to be for our healer, that's why I'm taking it, leave it alone." We still cover the pollen with a cloth and let it sit there. My mother sang to the east, asking for the one who heals. She'd set the basket on the floor and sing her pollen song that first talks about one's feet being blessed and then the whole body being blessed. Then she'd go back to the basket to see the corn pollen sitting there like sand. A few hours later we'd check it and the pollen would still be there. Again she would say, "Don't eat my pollen, sun."

My pollen song is different from my mother's. I usually have a gourd that I shake before I sing my song. Once in a while, I'll sing it around the house, but not all the time. The pollen song goes with the birds and the flowers. We get all our songs from our hearts. This is especially true for our healing songs. When you sing the healing way, you have to name all the body parts of a human and then state that they walk in beauty. This has to be done in all directions.

My mom and my grandmother taught me that pollen is used to bless ourselves with beauty. All pollen on Mother Earth, along with the plants and flowers, is a medicine. If you put all the pollens together for a woman to drink, she will not have any problem having babies. She'll deliver quickly and have no difficulties. When a woman drinks the pollen of medicine earth, she will heal and become a virgin again. That's what we were taught. Pollen is pure and has been used as a medicine for women for a long time. When we perform a Walk in Beauty Ceremony, we use corn pollen. In traditional sandpaintings and singing, we use all of Mother Earth's pollens.

Horny Toad I remember when I was young, a medicine man from Shiprock used to ride a horse all the way to Two Grey Hills. When he came, he'd bring a big black box of candy. They used to let us know when he was coming and we ran over there just to get a piece of candy. When we knew he was on his way, we'd make something for him, like a corn pollen bag or jewelry to trade with him for candy. One time, a day before he came, I spent all day looking for a horny toad. I knew horny toads were sacred to him because he had told me a story about them; how they are made and what they stand for. I didn't let the other kids know about the horny toad. They'd be making pouches, bags, or beads while I sat in one place, meditated, and said, "Where's the horny toad?" A certain place came to mind and sure enough, I found one there. I'd keep it in a glass jar with holes in the lid and give it cornmeal and pollen. First thing in the morning, I ran down to my uncle's house and the medicine man from Shiprock was there talking away. I said, "I've got something for you." He wanted to see it and he took out the horny toad and started praying and putting pollen on him. After that, he dipped it in some water and announced, "We're going to get rain now." Again, he dipped the horny toad in the water, took it out and put corn pollen on him. He told the story about how a long time ago the lightning put a mark on the horny toad. It challenged him, but he survived and the sacred victory the lightning had was by giving a song to the horny toad that would help heal sick people. He'd talk about it that way. He'd count the spots on the toad and say, "This one is still young." After telling his stories about horny toads, he put the horny toad against his heart and said, "Whatever sickness I have, you take it away, grandpa." When he put it down, he blessed it and told me to put it back where I got it. He gave me my candy and I ran back to return the horny toad.

Sandpainting

Sandpaintings are also used in our healing ceremonies. I first saw a sandpainting when I was a little girl. I had just walked into a hogan and found two people sitting on the floor. They were making a painting on the ground. I asked them what they were doing and they said they were performing the medicine way. I asked, "What kind of medicine way?" One of the medicine men said, "Just look at it and you'll understand." I sat down and started eating a roasted corn. Every time I made a noise, the sandpainter would tell me to be quiet. They first made four snake designs that went up and down. The Snakeway was being used for a woman having menstrual problems. The patient could hardly stand up. She had to have people help her get up and she'd moan when she tried to move. The snakes on the painting were in the four sacred colors. They were all crooked but they were v-shaped on their body symbol. I noticed that the lips of the snakes did not connect.

I kept watching until the medicine men said they were done. The patient was told to go outside. After she left, they added more designs on the sandpainting. A smaller snake was placed in a corner. It was a King Snake. When they were finished with the extra details, they told the lady to come in. They proceeded to doctor her in the traditional way. The woman didn't want anyone to see the performance so we had to leave. I asked my grandma why they asked us to leave when they let us see the sandpainting. She said that when a medicine man is doing a healing ceremony with a sandpainting, it's up to the patient to decide whether they want other people to be present. The woman wanted privacy because they were dealing with her body.

Being a MedicineWoman

When I'm in deep contact with my patient, my heart and body movement slow down, and my head feels like there's a hole in it. If it's a little hole, it's easier to focus. Once it gets bigger, I have to concentrate more to keep my focus. When a spirit appears, it can look like a regular person. Unlike a person, however, it can pass through walls and even through a human being. Sometimes they will hold your hand in a ceremony. They can also sprinkle water on people. Those are the Water Messengers. They won't hurt you, but they make you tingle and feel cold or warm when they pass through you. Sometimes I suck out illnesses. When you take it out, it's ugly. Sometimes you have to turn away when you take it out. The first thing you do is throw it in the fire and burn it. You don't keep it. It looks like a worm from prehistoric times. It's either yellow or white in color.

Medicine people must take special care of themselves. I never ran around and never drank. However, I've done a lot of mischief and practical jokes. For instance, years ago when I was young, a group of women were all naked in the sweathouse. They were all singing away. I threw a stick in there and shouted, "Here comes a snake!" They came flying out of the sweathouse and all the guys saw their breasts. That was funny. One of the old ladies got a pitchfork and started chasing us. We took off. That's the kind of mischief I made. I was curious about what people's bodies looked like. I found out in truly funny ways. I was amazed how those old ladies crawled into the sweathouse, barely able to move as they went in, but when I said, "Snake!" and pushed that stick in there, it was as if years melted away and much younger ladies ran out of there.

I'm like a bear seeking direction. The bear looks at the stars to find his way. I always look at the stars and try to get my answers. I just look at the stars with a positive mind and think about what I want to do.

My grandpa taught me about the circle of life. It's a different understanding from the talk about heaven and hell and the end of the world. One night I dreamed about the future. The world will not end. Rather, the world is going to change. Part of the United States is going to be missing. There won't be a Maine or a California. One of my elders says there will only be four cities at that time. The world won't change with fire and it won't change with thunder. Some people will survive and some will not survive. The people who made preparations will survive. That's how I vision the future. One should get ready by paying attention to only one day at a time. Do you know how to build a fire? Do you know how to stay warm? Do you know how to camp? You need to know these things in order to survive. It's a wise idea to live in the wild right now.